Meet Mila Monster...
Mila was born in March of 2014 in Baton Rouge. Her original owner chopped her ears off and was planning on breeding her with one of his big male dogs. She and the big male escaped, and while out and about she was hit by a car, smashing her right femur in half. Luckily the amazing people at Companion Animal Alliance of Baton Rouge found her, and got her medical care so that she could find us. She was adopted in August of 2014 and we have been drunk on her velvety sausage-shark body ever since...
We have started a new tagging campaign: #adoptthecropped. Many dogs in shelters do not get adopted because people are afraid of what will be said about their "scary look". Well intentioned people, who dislike cropping, are unintentionally making it worse for cropped shelter dogs! All dogs deserve a home and endless love, no matter what situation they came from. So let's change the public perception of cropped ears on shelter dogs, and avoid attacking those that choose to save the cropped ones. There have been some mean comments about Mila's ears from people that are anti-cropping but didn't take the time to check if she was a rescue. Cropping to meet breed standards is not something we support, but it's much more important to support pit bulls as a whole, instead of dividing the community. Let's unite behind our love of pit bulls and stop making life tough on those that #adoptthecropped. #SpikesofGlory
The face of perfection
Thankful for the Sausage-Shark I am thankful that sausage-shark perfection exists That she tolerates excessive squeezing so that I may become intoxicated with oxytocin on an hourly basis. That her perfect Protoflaps of Destiny are so intensely velvety that I go into a coma every time touch them. That she smears her magical Protoflap-juices all over my laptop whenever I need help with my research. That she parades her sausage-hippo shaped body around my house so that my entire consciousness is disrupted whenever she is near. That her Burrito-of-Troy sad-pants seal-face eyes have to power to coerce me into launching 1000 treats whenever I am privileged enough to have her gaze rest upon me. That her brother is learning to accept her, despite his often debilitating anxiety. That the Bean-Burrito and the sausage-shark are my children, so that I may exist in a permanent state of velvet-induced euphoria and give them a life of endless love and smothering.
The Mila Monster The Mila-Monster was a short lived villain from the Marvel universe that was known for wearing a pink knit rabbit hat. When the Mila-Monster was first created by Stan Lee, he originally thought she would be some sort of secondary character that he could weave through the various comics. However, as she developed throughout his early work, Lee realized he couldn't keep her around due to her sole supernatural power becoming the most powerful ability the Marvel universe has ever seen, the power of the seal face. The M-M's seal face was so tremendously infallible, she had the ability to overpower all of the other Marvel "Heros", in all combat scenarios, with just one look. Lee realized that she was ruining the books and that she needed to go. The Mila-Monster was the primary reason the remainder of Lee's characters were so complex and flawed; he could not chance having one character become so dominant yet again. In a recent interview, Lee was quoted as saying "I knew there was going to be a problem when the first image of Mila's seal face was printed... I was entranced for hours and had to be slapped by my wife to snap out of it". It was reported that when a new Mila-Monster comic was about to be released, hoards of people would line up outside of bookstores for weeks in advance, often breaking out in chaotic bouts of violence (see, e.g., the Philadelphia Seal-Face Riots of 1964 on Wikipedia).
Cuteness Aggression It was recently brought to my attention by the Burritos' trainer, that a paper was presented at the Society of Personality and Social Psychology's annual meeting last week where researchers from Yale University found that many humans suffer from a disorder called "cute aggression", i.e., the extreme desire to squeeze something cute. I feel as though I have such a debilitating case of this disorder that I should be classified as handicapped. There are times when I look at this face, and my aggressive need to squeeze her to death is all consuming. I start to feel sick from physiological overload and then have to leave the room, or risk smothering her to death in a deranged fit of squeezing (I'm getting worked up just thinking about it). The Burritos are really very tolerant of me, considering that I manhandle them like a demented hyperactive child with her favorite stuffed animal on an hourly basis (Dr. McConnell would probably not recommend this behavior). Living with their velvety-sausage bodies of mythological levels of cuteness is effectively an exquisite torture that, at times, forces me to waste hours pressing my face into their seal-pants-suede armpits just so that I may get high off of their maple-velvet. Those of you that have burritos of your own understand this I think. The researchers proposed that "cuteness aggression" is associated with an increased desire to take care of the cute thing. That's obviously ridiculous, as it is clearly derived from an overwhelming desire for the cute animal to be forcefully merged with the core of one's existence so that you may be touching them at all times for the rest of eternity. This research is proof that there should be daily Squeezers Anonymous (SA) meetings for those of us that suffer from this chronic and crippling disorder.
The Origin of the Mila Monster
There once was a lonely black panther.
She was certain she had all the answers.
Until a perfect grey seal, shared his rare cephalopod meal
And she wed him at a party with dancers.
Now their daughter was clearly a chimera,
Not of sky, sea, or green terra
And in her misery, from life on the periphery,
She sought out true love in a fishery
With genes from a seal-panther and shark
Their granddaughter never liked to bark
Her aquatic fur coat, always kept her afloat
She reigned queen of her local dog park